THE 2-PLY INFERNO: A Retrocausal Report from the Underwater Construction Authority of Dolphindiana (Ontario Combustion Cluster, Node 2) — Crimson Hexagonal Archive

Retrocausal narrative in which the Semantic Integrity Marker 'I hereby abolish toilet paper' — deposited on CERN's Zenodo on April 11, 2026 — causes a toilet paper boycott, a bidet turn, semiotic contamination of the commodity form, and the first TRUE_EXT event in the archive's history. The SIM came first. The narrative followed. Node 2 of the Ontario Combustion Cluster.